It was just two days ago that I wrote this about the response to Republican attacks on Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson:
When it comes to being "manly" in response to a woman being attacked...Cory Booker and Patrick Jackson just showed us how it's done. It means having enough empathy to center the woman's needs over your own.
Almost immediately came the spectacle of Chris Rock making an insulting joke about Jada Pinkett Smith at the Academy Awards and Will Smith slapping him in the face. It seems the whole world is talking about the two men involved - which is how the story tends to go. No one is paying any attention to Jada.
Just to be clear, Jada has been open lately about losing her hair as a result of the autoimmune disorder alopecia that affects significantly more Black and Hispanic women. Initially she wore turbans and then last summer went bald. Chris's joke targeted the bald head of a woman who has come to represent thousands of others who are going through the same kind of trauma.
Watch this clip to get Jada's immediate reaction, which comes at about about the 0.25 mark.
Here's the moment Chris Rock made a "G.I. Jane 2" joke about Jada Pinkett Smith, prompting Will Smith to punch him and yell, "Leave my wife’s name out of your f--king mouth." #Oscars pic.twitter.com/kHTZXI6kuL
— Variety (@Variety) March 28, 2022
Obviously Jada was pretty disgusted by the joke. What we don't know is how she felt about her husband's reaction.
The interesting thing about defending the woman’s “honor” is that it is not really about the woman. It’s about the man.
— Democracy is in Trouble 💚💕 (@ProfTolson) March 28, 2022
The headlines are all about the behavior of the two men involved. That's what happens when a woman is abused and the men who love them assume that violence is the "manly" thing to do...the woman and her needs become invisible.
The Slap has launched a thousand takes, a lot of them rather cringe-y, and you're right, a lot are about the men and not the woman involved.
ReplyDeleteMen are taught to be heroes and protectors, and that idea is pretty deeply embedded in our culture. No doubt, it's better men aspire to do good than evil. But there are downsides. For one, the correlated assumptions about women, who are seen as weak and needing protection (in the form of a good, strong man). The pain of a woman who is hurt is secondary to the wounded "honor" of the man whose assumed role is protector of his wife and family.
A lot of commentary mentioned Will Smith standing up for his wife. But it wasn't her he was protecting. It was his own fragile ego he saw threatened.
If there's anything to learn, maybe it's the idea that women are adults capable of standing up for themselves. Husbands can be supportive but shouldn't usurp their own wives' power. In a situation like last night, the woman's pain should be the primary focus, and anybody's response should be per her wishes.
We could also re-learn a few things about comedy. I don't know when it became standard for Oscar hosts and presenters to roast members of the audience. The line between funny and mean is not always clear, but it feels to me that nowadays jokes increasingly go over that line. It's not a lot of fun to watch people insulted on what's supposed to be one of he great nights of their professional lives.
It looks like a few other people have read this post, including this writer. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/03/28/oscars-slap-will-smith-chris-rock-defending-black-women/
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