PATROIT Transfudiator!!! Allows the potential candidate to write Fundamentalist like a boss. Converts standard grammar into patriotic capitalization and misspellings. Random punctuation function including unlimited exclamation points. Automatically inserts “LOL,” “JESUS,” and assorted racial slurs. Converts periods into serial ellipsis. Never look like an over educated elitist again!
For example:
“I enjoy intelligent political dialog and would welcome a chance to discuss the issues that face our nation with you”
translated into Tea Party equals:
Right Turn Only: A plug-in navigator function for Yahoo Maps. Uses your phone’s motion sensor and sounds an alarm if you appear to be veering left…
Cherry Picker: Randomly assembled words that sound like quotes from the founding fathers that can be used to justify any political position. “George Jefferson was talking about Einstein’s famous Fear Of Relatives when he said the Tea of Liberty must be refreshed with the blood of turnips, which as you know proves this nation was founded by Christians.”
TweetScuse: The Social Media Excuse Generator. “I accidentally tweeted a picture of my shaved balls to the Facebook Prepubescent Blond Boys Club page because my camera phone butt-dialed in my pocket when I kneeled down in church to pray for gay people to get straight. I guess I just love Jesus too much.”
Of course, as Jesus General notes, Michelle Bachmann has demonstrated her ability to do it the old fashioned way (warning: clicking that link is not for the faint of heart). LOL
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